Good Girl's Guide, Millennial Mommy

When Millennials Divorce: A Survival Guide 

July 9, 2015
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After coming out the [divorce] closet a few days ago in my interview over at The Temporary Things, I couldn’t go silent on GLO any longer. It was so sweet how many people were able to identify and connect with me, and all your supportive kind words were well received.

Now that the cats out the bag, lets just do away with all the formalities and get straight to the real: DIVORCE SUCKS!

Initially, I wasn’t cool with divorcing and stayed way too long, but soon realized that it was a ‘necessary evil’ that had to be carried out in order to save what was left of my sanity. If Solange was able to it, effortlessly slaying, even on her worst day, why the hell can’t I?!?

GOOD READ: The Millennial Mommy’s Guide to Increased Focus + Productivity

Despite the overwhelming amount of bad advice – trying to convince me to put my happiness to the side because this man will PROBABLY/ MOST LIKELY come to his senses – from the misguided middle-aged women in my life, I put on my big girl panties and did what I knew I had to do. I learned that when it’s time, no one will be able to talk you into it, nor out of it. You’ll have your filing fee ready…with exact change!

Whether you’ve already filed or finally mustering up the courage to get a ride to the courthouse, here’s the [survival] guide you’ll probably need to keep you from completely reading folks, like every other day…

[1] RECOGNIZE THE REAL – If you’re not ready to cut all ties, then don’t. Don’t pull the ‘D’ card just to get some attention. However, if you’re traveling down the divorce path for the right reasons, settle with yourself that you’re following through for the betterment of your family. Don’t be silly to think that staying in a situation, that isn’t giving your children a healthy view of marriage, is actually helping them. Trust me, it does more harm than help.

[2] ACCEPT GRIEF PEACEFULLY – Invite pain in, give it a little conversation, then bid pain goodbye. Never reject pain or the grieving process, but don’t let it overstay it’s welcome. It’s the pain that allows us to grow.

“Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.” 

Osho

[3] REST GIRL, REST –  You know how folks say “time heals all wounds”? Well, I say “sleep heels all wounds”!!!! No, really, you’re running on fumes trying to be super mom, trying not to run to every corner to cry your eyes out, and having to double check your attorneys work every 5 minutes. Girl, go take a nap!

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[4] DON’T PERSUE BUSINESS – Those moments when you’re about to break bad on the innocent…have several seats. You’ll just feel bad moments later. If you’re not in the headspace to make business decisions, respect your emotions and take a quick breather. It’s ok to step away and regroup.

[5] A FEW DAYS ALL ABOUT YOU – If you read this article I wrote a while back, then you’d know how I feel about taking time for yourself. It’s a non-negotiable. During a divorce, you’ll need to dedicate a few days doing absolutely nothing you don’t want to do. This may have to happen a few times. After pressing this mini reset button, start carving out time daily to squeeze in things that aren’t work-related and are most important to you. Remember, this is non-negotiable.

[6] MEDITATE PROFUSELY – I had to learn this one the hard way. Initially, mindfulness seems like the perfect start to a cozy nap. However, infuse purpose into your meditative journey. Remember, you don’t always have to be in the perfect lotus position to be mindful. Even if you’re meditating in your car before you go into work every morning, just start.

[7] WRITE IT ALL DOWN, VIDEO DIARY IF YOU’RE TRILL ABOUT YOURS – Documenting your journey is so important during this process. You’ll look back and things will start becoming more clear. Grab your pen or your video camera, whatever you choose, just commit.

[8] DIGITALLY DETOX – As soon as you make the disclaimer that you’re newly single, folks start coming out the woodwork professing their undying love for you. Step away from the computer screen, slowly. It’s not bad for anyone to show interest in you, but timing is everything. Plus, social media can be a slippery slope when you’re not in the best emotional states. Focus on better ways to pass the time away.

GOOD READ: 5 Things My Mother Always Said That I Hated, But Desperately Needed To Hear

[9] TALK ABOUT IT – Not just to anyone though. Only tell your business to people who are in the position, or are willing to help. Honestly, the best choice is probably a neutral third party, like a therapist or a support group. Sounds cliche, but talking to people that are emotionally attached or have a vested interest in you two staying together, or apart, isn’t going to do you much good.

[10] A DIVORCE PARTY?!?!– People always look at women sideways when they say they’re having a divorce party, and for a minute I did too. However, this concept isn’t as far fetched as I initially imagined. Divorce is like a figurative death. Since I want my funeral to be a celebration [ with some light twerking involved] why not celebrate your relationships passing over. I’ll call the decorator, you run to the liquor store!

In short, I’m totally going to ‘Solange’ – SLAY the hell out of anyone in my way, be the best mom on the planet, and completely live life out loud – this divorce. I won’t settle for anything less!

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  • Bobbie

    Well alright nah, girlie….Slay!!! This was a great read and even better tips. Thank you Marie for sharing your story and being transparent. Oh and hurry back to Atlanta so we can do lunch, dinner or hit the nightlife :)

    • http://www.goodlooknout.com/ Marie Young

      You know I will! I miss my ATL tribe! Thanks for reading and supporting Miss Bobbie!

  • Still DatingMySpouse

    I must agree, when its over its over. I am a proponent of marriage but I’m a bigger proponent of reality. There is never a need to be unhappy continuously in life. God never intended for marriages to hurt, be sad, or destroy a person self-worth.

    I know this was hard for you to share but yes your story will help others, not only those divorcing, but those that need to cut ties on bad relationships.

    Honey, get back to who you are as person not just as an exwife or mom but who you are. Thanks for sharing your story and helping others because divorce isn’t going away and neither should those that are divorcing!!!

    • http://www.goodlooknout.com/ Marie Young

      EXCELLENT points! Especially this line: “God never intended for marriages to hurt, be sad, or destroy a person self-worth.” I’m going to have to share that line again, and again, and again. Folks don’t seem to get the bigger picture. What people are putting into their marriage, God was in no way, shape, or form about.

      We’ve completely watered down meaning of the union. Again, excellent points!

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