I Treat Men Like Hoes. Here’s Why I Changed.
Let’s start by acknowledging the fact that dating in your 30’s is a complete hot ass mess. I can see right through the overwhelmingly disingenuous “f*ck boy”, I do not compute baby mama drama, and if a dude isn’t up on his #staywoke hashtag, I’d rather Netflix and wine my ass to sleep every night.
However, as bold as I am to read a potential suitor and cast them away when they transgress, the read was quite disturbing when I was on the receiving end of it. Not long ago, I found myself in the likes of an extremely attractive yet perceptive man, who within the first few conversations managed to put my insecurities dead on their face, as he detailed that he wasn’t so keen on my tendency to passive-aggressively relegate him into the role of the typical “male hoe”.
At first, my emotional reflexes went into survival mode, trying my best to discount his point-of-view and restore victory. However, after our phone conversation, I felt like the chain smoker that sat in the very first pew in the church every Sunday – like a damn hypocrite! I had to go on and own it: I treat men like male escorts. In my mind their role and value is fixed.
After a few rounds of self reflection, I realized ‘ol boy wasn’t too far off. I didn’t believe a word that came out of his mouth, I challenged every sweet nothing he delivered to my ego, and I hate to say it, but I was outright looking for something to be wrong with him. What was most damaging, was that I automatically assumed he only wanted that “one thing” from me, barely giving him the time of day. If I had opened my pretty little eyes, I would of seen that that couldn’t be any more further from the truth – he was actually a decent guy!
So while you’re steady trying to stuff every man that comes your way into that “f*ck boy”stereotype, whether directly or indirectly, here’s a few things to remember:
You Will Stumble Across a Real Man at Some Point – Trust and Believe
And when you do, how will you react when he politely asks you to take your pessimistic insecurities and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine? Sure, 98% of most of the douche bags out here are chasing after what the world groomed them to chase – your kitty cat – however, there will be a few cuties that may may be moved by more than just your beautiful exterior. So, again, what do you do? Will you set him up to fail to protect yourself, or do you consider his offerings?
You’re More Transparent Than You May Think
That thick level of protection you think no one can see, yeah well that protective layer isn’t as thick as you may have thought. Why ruin a decent guys’ chance over a few, and literally a few, dudes that may have been not so kind to you in your past. More importantly, we’re creatures of habit and can only hold so much in, before we burst. Do yourself a favor and let the memories of your shitty dating past go and allow yourself to feel something.
You Have Absolutely Nothing To Lose
Chances are the type of man who has enough substance to challenge your “all men are hoes” behavior is worth a shot – even if it only amounts to friendship. Why? Well, no matter how you look at it, you will always win in the situation. If you meet a man that calls you on your shit, he cares enough about you as a human being, and is worth shot. If it doesn’t work out romantically, you still stand to gain some organic growth from the situation. There’s no losing here!
You’re Doing Yourself No Favors
If you walk around dealing with men on the assumption that they are all giant disappointments, you’re working against yourself and not to mention it’s lame. Be kind to your heart, and set the expectation, with yourself, that every man that enters your world is there to bring value – until he proves otherwise.
Men Pick Up On Your Energy
No matter how much we minimize men and put their ability to think critically under suspicion, they too can pick up on social cues and our energy. So when you’re acting like a bish, they feel it. When you relegate them to the friend zone, they feel it. When you put them into a “hoe” category, it reads as especially offensive, and makes it’s hard for a man to go up against the probability of rejection, taking a shot in the dark to win you over. What you put into the universe you get back. If you think all men are hoes, you’ll attract male hoes.
It Won’t End Well For You My Dear
No matter how you try to look past it, your dating career will be short lived if you continue stereotyping the men who enter your world. You know that old cat lady spinster that you feel sorry for? Yeah, you’re her! If not her, then you will be stuck with the dude you know you had no business allowing to wife you. Girl, open up and give these dudes a clean slate!
You’re Weak My Dear Friend
It may seem easier to protect yourself by always keeping that protective armor around your heart, but by doing so, anytime bae decides to open his third eye, he will recognize your number – exposing all your vulnerabilities and your weaknesses. Girl, your strength is something that should never be protected. Allow it to get a little dirty. It build’s character, I swear!
You Mess It Up For the Deserving
Transparency in today’s dating world is not valued nearly as much as it should be. In fact, most men who lead with authenticity are often viewed as soft or too emotional, when in fact their sincerity and their ability to be genuine should be the one thing that keeps him a front runner. Don’t get me wrong, too much sincerity can be overwhelming, but lets focus on the men that operate under a high level of emotional regulation. Get out of your head and don’t give this guy a complex if he has to move on from you.
You’ll Lose A Dope Ass Dude
If you don’t get your act together, there’s a strong possibility he’ll cut ties. A man that can see that deep into your person, won’t waste his time expecting a return from a woman that isn’t worth the investment. However, please remember, this “dope ass dude” doesn’t always have to be your next husband. Drop the expectations and just assume that at the very least, this guy will be a dope ass friend who may teach you a thing or two – even if you only learn something about yourself!
All in all, put your guard down and let a man impress you. Allow him to readjust your expectations, or better yet, eliminate them all together. If he’s not the guy you decide to fall in love with and marry, that’s ok. The least that you can expect is that he’ll keep you entertained until the right one comes along.
As to this perceptive, and did I mention find as hell man that warranted this submission, let’s just say I’m still enjoying his presence.
DO YOU IMMEDIATELY FORCE YOUR MALE PROSPECTS INTO THE “MALE THOT” CATEGORY?