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13 Types of Broads To Detox From Your Circle of Friends

I love my girlfriends, but as I get older I’m a lot less willing to put up with any level of tomfoolery from them. Just like I have to press the reset button on life, step away and assess what needs to be deleted from my life, I have to do the exact same for the people I call friends. Every now and again, some of my friendships require a full fledged DETOX, and when it’s time to let go, there’s absolutely no way around it. Your personal sanity may depend on it.

Be careful of the…

The Mooch – This friend only calls you when her phone bill is turned off or needs a lift from work. Outside of these “woe is me” circumstances, you’d never hear from her. In fact, she’d send your calls straight to voicemail at the sight of your number. 

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The Bougie One – You can quickly spot this chick, because she stays up, perfectly perched on that stupid high horse that only she seems to see. She’s usually the one that people will whisper in your ear and ask “why is your homegirl acting funny-style like that?!?!?” Yes, thats her. There’s nothing wrong with setting a high standards for yourself, but when you spend your whole day adjusting that stupid crown on your head, forgetting to humble yourself, people start to gravitate away from you!

Ms. No Goals – When everyone of the girls in your crew are thriving (sure they may deal with their own bag of mess from time to time) you can quickly recognize “Mrs. No Goals” sitting there with her 12 piece luggage set, complaining and looking dumb. She can’t seem to ever get ahead in life, usually because she’s not willing to humble herself and learn the lessons we all learn along the way. She never see’s the big picture and can’t look much further past today. Let’s not even talk about the work accountability with and this type of friend. It’s like mixing oil and water…

The Instigator – This broad thrives on drama. She’ll forever be your hype man, but when it’s time to really get down to business, you can’t find her anywhere. Every situation is a potential “issue” to her and when you hang out with her, other people start getting the immediate stank face. Do yourself a favor and add her to your block list.

The “One Way Street” Friend – When she calls, you get no hello, she gets right into telling you about her shitty day. Your day doesn’t exist in her tiny little world. If you asked this type of friend how any of her friends are doing, she’d probably give you the longest blank stare. Her life centers around her and only her. 

Ms. Nothing To Lose – This chick is the complete shit starter. Everything is a potential problem and she will often mistake situations as fight worthy. This girl will always be at the scene of the crime, and she’ll even continue to talk smack as the officer is pushing her into the back of a cop car. People who feel like they have nothing to loose have no business in your social circle. I’m telling you, sever ties now. You may find yourself taking a mug shot right along with homegirl if you’re not careful!

13 Types of Broads To Detox From Your Circle of Friends

Sensitive Sally – I always joke with my friends that if you can’t take a “read” then we can’t call each other friends, maybe not even associates. If we can’t freely check each other in times of need, then why are we dealing with another. I want to see my circle learn from their mistakes, stay on their individual path and thrive. If I pacify this friend, even when I know they’re DEAD WRONG, I’m no friend to them at all.

Cyber Thug – This girl is very similar to Ms. Nothing To Lose, she’s just using her fingers instead of her mouth. She’ll tense up when there’s a real life altercation at bay, but let her log on to a computer and she will read someone their rights on social media, text or email. This is usually the friend to get them paws put on ’em  read in your best Lil Scrappy voice. Tell that troll to STEP!

Regina George 2.o –  We all have our resident mean girl in the crew. If you took every type of friend listed here and meshed them into one person, you’d have Regina Gorge on your hands. Any person willing to do any and everything to get what they want is no friend to anyone, not even themselves.  

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The Flake – Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I cannot stand this girl! Can’t depend on her for anything. So much so, that you keep inviting her places, just to see if she’d show up. Especially the flakes who lie and pretend they’re really going to go. Don’t plan anything with this broad, she will totally stand you up. This type of friend has no respect for your friendship,  nor your time. 

Only See Her When She’s Single – I totally understand needing a little space while you’re going through that much needed honeymoon phase with bae. However, if homegirl never comes up for air until ‘ol boy pisses her off, that’s when you know you have a problem. It’s important for couples to promote space and boundaries between another, even in the honeymoon phase. This will create balance in your relationship and keep your social circle in tact. 

The Possessive Friend – This is the type of friend that wants you to hate someone else just because she hates them. If you don’t profess your undying hatred for said hated person, this friend will give you hell and even go as far as to question your loyalty. News flash hepha: I’M A GROWN ASS WOMAN!  First of all, you should make it a point to never allow a person to get you to a point of hatred. Secondly, a true friend wouldn’t ask you to do such a thing, but will encourage you to be progressive in a negative situation! 

The Friend Who Makes Horrible Boyfriend Choices – This friends boyfriend could be a drug dealer, will continually beat on her and may even pressure her to engage in activities that may compromise her integrity. Once revealing that your friend may be suffering in a relationship like this, I would first say be a true friend and help her to see the error in continuing a relationship with this type of man. However, if this friend continually finds herself dating lackluster men and doesn’t do anything to help herself to make better choices in a mate, you may just have to be her friend from allllll the way over there (in other words from afar). 

“Spring Cleaning” is a concept that transcends that of a dirty home. There will be times that you’ll have to clean up your attitude, your life and in this case the type of women you surround yourself with. 

Bottom line, if the your closest girlfriends aren’t adding value to your existence, it’s time to purge…

Any other friend types that you’d add to the list? I’m almost certain I may have missed one…

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